The gift I know I want

I can buy my own clothes and shoes. I can choose the accessories I want to use. I can eat where I want to, when I want to. I can travel to places I've never been to, even if I'm by myself. I can afford to buy any gadget that I like if I want to. 


I have everything that I want or need. But why do I feel like I can never be complete?


Presents has been wrapped and tucked underneath our Christmas tree. Lights flicker on our window and the Snow Man toy kept playing "Jingle Bell Rock." I still don't feel the warmth of Christmas.


I guess I've been to lonely; too emotional these days that I can't move anymore. 


I wish someone can make me laugh. Someone who will share with me interesting stories. Who can cuddle with me and tell me that they want to build their future with me. Who can kiss me so lovingly and passionately and hold me so tight that tears will fall from my eyes. Someone I can call "home." Someone who will make me believe in myself again and will be there to build my dreams together with me. Someone who will give me what I've lost this entire time. 


I don't want gifts wrapped in fancy paper and bows. All I want for Christmas is HOPE.

Hopeless

The feeling of hopelessness is looking down a flight stairs and imagining yourself falling.. and no one's there to catch you.


Sad. 

The lesson from the homily today

During mass this morning, the priest said to let go of all the negative things and be happy.


JUST. BE. HAPPY.


This season, remembering the birth of Jesus gives us a sense of hope. Hope that I need right now to move and do everything to make me happy.


I saw this picture and it's something I will always look at as a reminder on what I should do to save my heart and be happy.

Challenge

I've been taking care of other people's happiness, feelings that I neglect mine. I have been been forgiving and understanding for too long. 

This time around, I'm going to take care of my own happiness.  And if some people think theirs is more important: Screw you. 

I'm not going to let you bring me down.

"Do Something!"

"You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do

what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action." -- Anthony

Robbins

Time Limit

May mga pangyayari na masarap isipin at balik-balikan. Ngayong tinitingnan ko ang mga dating usapan at kwentuhan natin sa text o sa YM, nami-miss ko talaga ang mga panahong iyon na lumipas na. 


Ano kaya nangyari at biglang nagbago ang tadhana nating dalawa? Masyado ba kong nagparaya at umintindi sa mga nangyari sa atin na naging bato na ko? Bakit di na natin kayang ibalik ang dating tayo na masaya, may kilig,  may lambing, may pagma-mahalan, may planong magsama habang-buhay? 


Manhid na rin yata ako. Hindi na siguro ako yung nakilala mo nun. Napagod na rin kasi ako sa'yo. Nakaka-pagod magbigay ng effort sa isang tao na hindi rin naman ginagawan ng effort ang sarili nya. Bato na ako na parang kahit anong gawin nating dalawa sa isa't isa, parang wala na lang. Parang tropa na lang.. 


Tulala nanaman ako. Nakikitawa kasama mga kaibigan ko (at kaibigan mo). Pero di maalis sa isip ko kung ano na ang dapat nating gawin. Sabi mo kailangan mo ko, pero ano na ba nagawa mo para hindi ako mawala sa'yo?


Lahat ng bagay mag hangganan. Ganun din ang tao. Ganun ako. 


Pero sana ikaw na ang gumawa ng paraan para sa ating dalawa. Kasi hindi ko na kayang gumalaw pa. 


Nakaka-inis. Nakaka-iyak. 

Scary

Sometimes I scare myself. I can feel the rage trying to get out and wants to hurt someone (more specifically ME.). This happens during quiet moments when I remember scenes/images of things that made me angry and wasn't able to resolve it and I keep playing it over and over in my head. 


I was not myself this morning when I started punching the walls of the bathroom before I took a bath. Then when I saw that there was no blood, I "told" myself I'm going to have to cut using a blade in my room. I was alone at home when this happened. 


I know in myself I wanted to get hurt physically. Punching the walls was painful enough and then I wanted to cut my self. Scary.


Thankfully, my parents got home from church before I got out of the bathroom. My mom called out to me and it just seemed to snap me back and the thought of hurting myself was gone. I greeted my mom "Good morning." and said "I love you" back. 


Someone or something out there is looking out for me. Thank you. 

Why live a complicated life?

(repost...)


Why are you living a complicated life ?!!

Miss someone? Call ..

Wanna meet? Invite ..

Wanna be understood? Explain ..

Have questions? Ask ..

Don't like it? Say it ..

Like it? State it ..

Want something ? Ask for it ..


NOBODY WILL KNOW WHAT'S GOING IN YOUR MIND..
IT'S BETTER TO EXPRESS RATHER THAN TO EXPECT !!!

We just have one life ..


Keep it simple.. =)

Hearts weren't meant to live in solitary confinement

Strong people don't need others…You let somebody in and they’ll only hurt you… Nobody really cares... If they really knew you, they wouldn’t like you. Brick by brick you stacked your beliefs to construct a refuge to hide in. But ironically what you built instead, is the prison you’re now locked in. Find the courage to scale your walls, or the strength to tear them down. Hearts weren’t meant to live in solitary confinement. 

~ by Sandra Kring, bestselling author

Write your own Story

Self Love

Who You Really Are

What you become is what you choose to be.

Positive Thoughts

Love YOU

Just love YOU. 

Retweet

"I treat YOU how you treat ME. If u brush me off, expect me to stop trying. Don't appreciate me, you'll lose me."


- my sentiments exactly.

Guess what's wrong with the Picture?

I always pass by EDSA Central every morning when going to work. I passed by the Rusty Lopez store and saw this on their mannequin:

I kept repeating in my head and I know the number there is wrong. Tsk tsk tsk..

I went inside the store to look for the shirt. Lo and behold, they have them in 3 colors... sheesh...

Attention Rusty Lopez, I sure hope you review your designs first.

Tuyong Luha

Nais mang iiyak 
ang sakit na nadarama
uurong din ang luha
at pipiliting limutin
ang hikbi ng damdamin
Titingin sa salamin
pipikit at magbubuntung-hininga
Pag mulat ng mata 
ay ibubulong,


"Tama na. Ayoko na."

Birthday Wish List

I like!! I want!! ^_^

Michael Kors Jet Set Large Satchel in Nickel Monogram Mirror Metallic

Villa Del Conte chocolates (available here in the Philippines ^_^)

Nars Blush in Orgasm

Closing Cycles (by Pablo Coelho)

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

There are things we need to read over and over to remember and to take heart

10 Ways to Love

1. Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)

2. Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)

3. Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)

4. Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)

5. Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)

6. Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)

7. Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)

8. Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)

9. Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)

10. Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

Before you knew

I found this in my old files and I remember I never really posted it.  I just like the mushiness of this article/ Just reminiscing things from the past:



There are things I've always wanted to say but couln't find the courage to say so. So bear with me for these secrets are sacred. 


I've always had a crush on you. I just know how to keep it well. 


I always tell you that you sound bored when I talk to you on the phone and I can always imagine how you look when you talk. It's funny but I like hearing your voice whenever I call. 


It may seem like I'm a very intimidating, serious, snobbish girl when you approach me but that's how I sift through people who are genuine and see if you have the courage to talk to me and start a beautiful friendship. 


You always make me laugh whenever we talk. You have an amazing sense of humor. 


I like it when people tease me about you. 


When I found out that you're not single, I started to pull away. I made a promise to myself that I will be a professional and friendly when approaching you and I will not let my emotions get in the way. 


I've tried inviting you out, but you always shot me down (to my dismay)... 


.... but I was happy that I got to invite you out for a drink, even if it was because you were having a bad time at work. 


I enjoy activities at work when I know I'll be seeing you there. 


I like seeing you smile with your teeth out. You look much better when you smile. 


I like looking at you. Especially your eyes. I just can't get enough of them. 


I'm glad we became close. I learned alot of things about you. And I didn't expect that we'd share alot of things in common. 


It took courage to say all these things here. 


I like you. I really do. But it's more than "like" now.


I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you. 

Baby proof

Cant think of a good title for this. Yesterday morning, I had a good conversation with a taxi driver, Timoteo. He was nice enough to share his thoughts and ideas about the government, about how Filipinos act and think, and most especially how he has been in life. He was the driver who returned the 200K and 2 laptops last year to the foreigners who rode his cab. In return, the foreigners fixed his roof, bathroom and even installed electricity for his humble home.

Congratulations Kuya Timoteo. Your good deed is an inspiration to all of us.

Anyway, in the middle of our conversation, he told me about his family. I shared him sentiments of how much I wanted to have kids of my own now. He told me that at this early, I should already start thinking of having kids. Having your own child and watching them grownis the best feeling in the whole world according to him. They only live by with what they have but he's happy enough that his kids will be able to get throught college and are studying hard. He can only give what he can but he makes sure that his whole family is happy.

I share the same thoughts. I want to have my own kids too and the sooner, the better. I know I'm still young and have a lot ahead of me but for me, I'm already at that point in my life wherein a family is what I dream to have for my own. I imagine myself being a mother: caring, loving and giving what I can for my child. I'm happy now that I have a job, a career that is going places, but I also want to share this with someone and dream of a good future together. That dream right now is a blur, but I can imagine myself having a kid.

Strange isn't it? Wanting to have a kid but not imagining the getting married part.

A good friend of mine shared to me his own views. He said that I should try and enjoy my singlehood. Go abroad, explore and have fun while I still have the chance. Having a child is great but one must be sure if they are ready for it. It takes alot of patience and hardwork when you have a child. He said he's been there before. He loves his family but for me, he said that I should also think about it. "Enjoy and have fun. You'll get there when God says so." Nice message.

I always did think that whatever it is that I want to have, I won't be able to get it. Not until God says it's time. I guess the things that are happening right now in my life means that I'm all ready for this and will be able to handle it well. The gospel last Sunday teaches us to prioritize, put God first and your family. I guess God is telling me right now to have fun... I haven't had the chance to experience all of my plans, the plans that He shares the same with me.

Someday soon, He will put my list that it's time for the next step in my life.. to be a mommy :)

Almost

I thought this is it, and I was nervous and excited of the possibility of it happening. This was the chance, the dream, I was hoping would come true.

But I guess God, though has those plans for me, decided to postpone it and said, "Not just yet."

I guess I still have alot to do before I get to that level.

On a side note, I'm glad atleast that even though he doesn't say it loud or everytime, he thinks of making a better future for us.

This is it part 2?

Re-tweet

"@jingsdlumanta: " If you appreciate her, love her, and respect her, I can almost guarantee that you wont lose her."

That's nice. I hope he can relate.

 

My thoughts today

Look back and thank God.

Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!

"Sige lang.. sandal ka lang.. At wag mong pipigilan..iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa langit"

To move on:

Step 1: Allow your self to cry and be sad. Don't try and hide it. Realize the pain that you're feeling and that it's okay to be sad. Acceptance will help you move on.

It maybe painful and difficult at the start but soon you'll realize you're feeling better and it's not that painful anymore.

Under the radar

My heart is complicated. I don't want to get so close to you but when you took my hand, I couldn't let go. I just froze and felt the shiver up my spine... like what you did to me before when you first held my hand.

I was torn. I don't know whether to let go or just let it hang there. But one thing I know, I was sad. Deep, deep inside I was sad. I thought you'd say something but you decided to let it pass. I thought we'd talk about it but you wanted to forget everything. Something that I don't really appreciate.

Guess you never really thought of the person you're with.

So here I am again in a crossroads. One road leading to a sad, unrequitted love but together with you, an uncertain and empty space. The other, a road with a long, crooked path but seeing  the people waiting along the way, it seems happy enough.

Guess which road I decided to take.

A Little Bit Stronger (Sara Evans)

Woke up late today, and I
Could still feel the sting of the pain, but I
Brushed my teeth anyway
Got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I
Try to ignore the hurt, so I
Turned on a radio
Stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for a minute
But then I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, ohh, I'm done thinking you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be OK
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger.

It doesn't happen overnight, but you
Turn around and a month's gone by, and you
Realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute
Longer
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels
And letting you drag my heart around
And, ohh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be OK
'Cause even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you, baby
Better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby.

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels
And letting you drag my heart around
And, ohh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be OK
'Cause even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
Little bit, little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger.

Jar of Hearts (Christina Perri)

I know I can't take one more step towards you 
Cause all that's waiting is regret 
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore 
You lost the love 
I loved the most 

And I learned to live, half alive 
And now you want me one more time 

And who do you think you are? 
Runnin' round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Who do you think you are? 

I hear you're asking all around 
If I am anywhere to be found 
But I have grown too strong 
To ever fall back in your arms 

And I learned to live, half-alive 
And now you want me one more time 

Who do you think you are? 
Runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Who do you think you are? 

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright 
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes 
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed 
Cause you broke all your promises 

And now you're back 
You don't get to get me back 

Who do you think you are? 
Runnin' round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
So don't come back for me 
Don't come back at all 

And who do you think you are? 
Runnin round leaving scars 
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart 
You're gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul 
Don't come back for me 
Don't come back at all 

Who do you think you are? 
Who do you think you are? 
Who do you think you are?

Sad eyes

I want to glance your way but I know tears will follow. It wouldn't look good on me especially on that sunny day. But I heaved a sigh and from my reflection in the mirror, I saw saw these sad sad eyes.

I haven't seen my eyes look so blue.

Each to his/her own Destiny (reposting a blog by Paulo Coelho)

Reading this got me thinking of my present situation. I have made mistakes and have been reprimanded heavily for them that somehow, it made me lose part of my self esteem. I lost the passion in the things I do. I watch the people around me thinking, "Why can't I be like them? How come they get to talk to her? What have I done so wrong that the people I ask help from won't even give me a glance?" All these are running through my head and the days went on that I felt so low, so insignificant, so inferior.

The people dear to me, my family, closest friends and colleagues, have noticed the change that happened to me. They all said the same thing: "You're not smiling anymore." And I realized that it's true. I barely smile when people talk to me. My laughter is just a small echo. I move like the time of the day will just pass me by. I wasn't always like this before. And I see the connection now that I have made myself feel so inferior with things that I can't control.

I admit I am not happy in my work. I always give a 100% in every company that I join but lately, I haven't been feeling so good about myself. I'm trying to find my track again, my drive to be the marketing person that I know.

My mother has always told me that we work to live, not live to work. Our lives are but moments of everyday that needs to be cherished because you wouldn't know if you will still have your tomorrow. I have to believe in myself again, that I am destined to be successful. I need to keep on remembering the following mantras:

1. Let go, let be, let God.
2. In 5 years time, will this all matter?
3. I am a happy, passionate and dedicated marketer.
4. Don't trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
5. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Each person has his/her own destiny. The only challenge now is myself.

1 Minute Reading by Paulo Coelho)

A Samurai who was known for his nobility and honesty, went to visit a Zen monk to ask advice.

– Why do I feel so inferior? – he asked, as soon as the monk finished his prayers. – I have faced death many times, have defended those who are weak, Nevertheless, upon seeing you meditating, I felt that my life had absolutely no importance whatsoever.

– Wait. Once I have attended to all those who come to see me today, I shall answer you.

The samurai spent the whole day sitting in the temple gardens, watching the people go in and out in search of advice. He saw how the monk received them all with the same patience and the same illuminated smile on his face.

At nightfall, when everyone had gone, he demanded:
– Now can you teach me?

The master invited him in and lead him to his room. The full moon shone in the sky, and the atmosphere was one of profound tranquility.
– Do you see the moon, how beautiful it is? It will cross the entire firmament, and tomorrow the sun will shine once again.
“But sunlight is much brighter, and can show the details of the landscape around us: trees, mountains, clouds.
“I have contemplated the two for years, and have never heard the moon say: why do I not shine like the sun? Is it because I am inferior?

– Of course not – answered the samurai. – The moon and the sun are different things, each has its own beauty. You cannot compare the two.

– So you know the answer. We are two different people, each fighting in his own way for that which he believes, and making it possible to make the world a better place; the rest are mere appearances.

Who are you Victor, and why do you haunt my dreams?

Monk

To see a monk in your dream, signifies devotion, faith, and spiritual enlightenment.

To dream that you are a monk, symbolizes the introspective aspect of yourself. You need to emotionally withdraw yourself from a situation in order to regain some control, structure, and order. 

Monastery

 

To dream that you are at a monastery, indicates that you need to learn and explore more about yourself, especially the masculine side. It is a time for self-reflection and self-exploration. Perhaps you need to address some pent up aggression or you need to show more sensitivity. Alternatively, a monastery is symbolic of lacking sexuality. You are missing your other, better half.

 

from www.dreammoods.com

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus  - This is an inspiring and touching movie.

How apt

The World Spins Madly On (The Weepies)

Woke up and wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on

Just in time when I was longing for you and I can't find you...

Kung ayaw may dahilan

History is repeating itself. I've heard that excuse before. And I'm getting fed up hearing it. It's always just you, you and you.

I thought better of you. I'll shut up now. You won't hear from me.

I don't expect you to care.

Wala nang ma-ngiti pa

Sometimes when you read old messages and see old photos, you remember what happened that time how it made you feel. Then you become teary eyed because you miss those days and can't help but compare how different things are now. Those were the days when you were truly happy.

Nothing seems to be going right these days...

Down

): ˙ǝɹoɯʎuɐ ǝɯ sǝʌoן ǝuo ou 'ǝʞıן sןǝǝɟ ʇsnظ ʇı ˙ɹǝʇʇǝq op oʇ ǝɯ ǝǝbɐɹnoɔuǝ oʇ sǝıɹʇ ʎpoqou ˙op ı ʇɐɥʍ ǝɹɐɔ oʇ sɯǝǝs ʎpoqou


˙uıɐbɐ uɐɯnɥ ǝɯ uɹnʇ ןןıʍ ɔıʇsıɯıssǝd buıǝq ʇɐɥʇ puıɟ ʇsnظ ı ʇnq ɔıʇsıɯıssǝd sıɥʇ ʎןןɐnsn ʇou ɯ,ı ˙ǝɯ ɹoɟ pɐq ɹo poob ǝq oʇ buıob sı ʇuǝɯǝʇɐʇs ʇɐɥʇ ɟı ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,ı ʍou ˙ɹɐǝʎ ʎɯ sı sıɥʇ ɟןǝsʎɯ pןoʇ ı

˙ʇsǝq ʎɯ ʇɐ ɯ,ı ǝʞıן ןǝǝɟ ı uǝɥʍ ʞɔɐq ˙ʎɐpoʇ uɐɥʇ ɹǝןdɯıs ʇoןɐ sɐʍ ǝɟıן uǝɥʍ obɐ sɹɐǝʎ 2 ǝʞıן ʇsnظ sɐʍ ʇı buıɥsıʍ ɟןǝsʎɯ puıɟ ı sǝɯıʇǝɯos ˙ǝʞɐʇ ı pןnoɥs ɥʇɐd ɥɔıɥʍ 'ǝʌɐǝן ı pןnoɥs oɥʍ 'op pןnoɥs ı ʇɐɥʍ uo pǝsnɟuoɔ sı puıɯ ʎɯ ˙ɟןǝsʎɯ ʇɹnɥ ı 'ןןɐ ɟo ʇsoɯ puɐ ˙ǝʌoן ı ǝןdoǝd ǝɥʇ ʇɹnɥ ı ˙ʎddɐɥ ʇ,uǝɹɐ ǝɯ punoɹɐ ǝןdoǝd


˙ǝןoɥʍ ǝɯ ʍoןןɐʍs oʇ sǝpıɔǝp ɥʇɹɐǝ ɹǝɥʇoɯ ןıʇun ǝɹǝɥʇ ǝıן ʇsnظ puɐ uoıʇısod ןɐʇǝɟ ɐ uı dn ןɹnɔ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇsnظ ı ˙op oʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʍouʞ ʇ,uop ı puɐ ʇsoן ɯ,ı ¡ɹɐǝʎ ʇsɐן ɟo buıuuıbǝq ǝɥʇ ǝɔuıs ʇɥbıɹ buıɥʇʎuɐ ǝuop ǝʌ,ı ʞuıɥʇ ʇ,uop ı ˙sɥʇuoɯ ʍǝɟ ʇsɐd ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ʇɥbıɹ buıɥʇʎuɐ ǝuop ǝʌ,ı ʞuıɥʇ ʇ,uop ı


˙ǝɯ oʇ ǝsoןɔ ǝɹɐ oɥʍ ǝןdoǝd ʇɹnɥ oʇ pǝʇɐǝɹɔ sɐʍ ı ʇɐɥʇ ˙uoıʇɐnʇıs ʎɯ oʇ ǝɹoɯʎuɐ ɥɔnɯ op ʇ,uɐɔ ı ʇɐɥʇ 'buıbuɐɥ ʇɟǝן sʎɐʍןɐ ɯ,ı ǝʞıן ןǝǝɟ ı ˙ǝɟıן ʎɯ ɟo sʇɔǝdsɐ ǝɯos uı ʍou ʇɥbıɹ buıןǝǝɟ ɯ,ı ʇɐɥʍ ʎןʇɔɐxǝ s,ʇɐɥʇ ¿uʍop ǝpısdn ʎɥʍ


˙uʍop ǝpısdn ǝɯ pɐǝɹ ˙sıɥʇ buıpɐǝɹ ʎɹʇ 'ʎɐpoʇ ʍǝu buıɥʇǝɯos ʇuɐʍ noʎ ɟı

Love letter

Nobody talks like this anymore...

Al perderte yo a ti tú y yo hemos perdido:
yo porque tú eras lo que yo más amaba
y tú porque yo era el que te amaba más.
Pero de nosotros dos tú pierdes más que yo:
porque yo podré amar a otras como te amaba a ti
pero a ti no te amarán como te amaba yo.

- Ernesto Cardenal (Nicaraguan Catholic priest and Spanish poet (1925 - ___)

Tagalog translation:

Nang mawala ka sa akin, ikaw at ako’y nawalan:
Ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko nang lubusan
At ikaw dahil ako ang sa iyo’y lubusang nagmahal.
Ngunit sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan:
Dahil pwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad nang pagmamahal ko sa iyo
Ngunit ika’y ‘di mamahalin tulad nang kung paano kita minahal.
- Translated by Salvador Malig, Jr.


I got an idea from a friend of mine to write a love letter addressed to no one. He said to let the creative juice out and imagine love as I want it to be. That maybe someday I'll find someone to dedicate that letter to. I don't know what to say right now. It seems the heart has a gaping hole that only love passes through but doesn't stay very long.
 
"Sometimes I think you don't mean what you say, but I wonder why you even say it in the first place. It's even so different from what you told me long ago. Maybe you just say it because you're not sure of your own future. Still, your words pierce through like knives that won't budge; and carves a lonely smile on my face that doesn't seem to fade."

Mantra

Stop controlling and let it go. Let the events unfold whatever they may be. Just trust in yourself that you will be alright and keep thinking positive (you suddenly turned into an emotional vampire recently).

If it's meant to happen it will. Enough with the pushing and labels, just enjoy what you think you are now. Keep imagining the good things you want to happen in your life and the whole universe will conspire to make it come true. Believe in the power of your mind.

You've always had this mantra but you forget sometimes:

Let go. Let be. Let God.

Let go. Let be. Let God.



Let go. Let be. Let God.



Let go. Let be. Let God.



Let go. Let be. Let God.



Let go. Let be. Let God.



... just keep telling yourself that and everything will fall right into place.

"When will you love me back?"

"Get a life."

That's what Gary said. He also mentioned I won't get too much intimacy from a laptop and he asked if what I want is to get married to my work.

Well, there you go girl. You want to get married by the age of 26? Little did you know you're already proposing to your job.

Unfortunately my work would not give me a clear answer. But I think this would be quicker and alot more evident in the next few months.

I think people around me are starting to feel sorry for me spending so much time at the office, not going out with friends or not having any date at all. I feel so awful. Work and life is out of balance. *sigh*

What is Marketing?

As a marketing person myself, I find that the following examples are the simple explanations of what we do :) I got this from old forwarded emails. Enjoy!

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: ' I am very rich. Marry me! '


    - That's Direct Marketing'


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: 'He's very rich. 'Marry him.'

- That's Advertising'

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day, you call and say: ' Hi, I'm very rich.'Marry me

- That'sTelemarketing'


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:'By the way, I'm rich. Will you 'Marry Me?'

- That's Public Relations'


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: 'You are very rich! 'Can you marry Me?'

- That's Brand Recognition'


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

- 'That's Customer Feedback'


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she introduces you to her husband.

- 'That's demand and supply gap'


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she goes with him

- 'That's competition eating into your market share'


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your wife arrives.

- ' That's restriction for entering new markets '

10. You are not at a party and then you realize that there are might be many gorgeous girls in parties all over the neighborhood and the world even! You then climb up to the roof of the house and scream on top of your lungs 'I AM RICH MARRY ME!'

- That's called spam.

Everyone's getting a ring. I think I'd better check my phone.

First, a huge CONGRATULATIONS to my friends who's getting married this year and early next year. Woot!


Now this somehow bothers me or I'm just putting this imaginary pressure on my self to finally get married and settle down with someone. People say I'm too young to get married. What exactly is the right age to be wed?  I mean in some cultures if you reach the age of 10, your parents are already planning for your wedding and not your coming of age party. You'd better have more than 5 kids or else, you won't contribute much to the community. Okay well maybe in those cultures, a family is the base of the society and would probably need more to be able to survive in their community. That's not the exact idea I'm thinking but it's not so bad to share.


Anyway, some people know they're meant to be with someone. And some people just get into an accident and be with someone (the baby on the way sitch). But then others aren't sure if they really want to be with the one they're with. It all boils down in the idea of being ready to finally put the period in the single chapter of their lives.


In an old blog, I said I plan to get married between the age of 26-28. Right now I think that plan is being placed at the back burner. A plan is a plan right? It's a long term plan too... and right now I think I'd better not expect too much. I have to take it slow and not rush it but I still should have that dream. The dream is all I have.

I wonder when I will see a ring on my finger? I'm like every girl who wants to have an engagement ring. But I want it so simple, the diamond so small. I want to keep my simplicity that way.

... and like I said, to dream is all I have..

Dear Cupid: Don't forget to Aim.

Dear Cupid,

Well there goes another Valentine's Day. Did you manage to shoot some arrows to the waiting lovers below? You shower golden arrows in all directions, hoping to hit some people who need it most. I guess you missed me this year.

I found myself thinking about all the past Valentine's that I had and I realized I had higher hopes then. There was a surprise flower before too that made fall so inlove. And remember the sweet dates? I mean litterally sweet. You worked your magic on me through those significant actions.

I used to think that Valentine's isn't so important at all. It's just a commercial holiday where sales on chocolates, flowers and cards go up. But Valentine's is more than the stuff you buy from retailers. I just think it's no longer just about the material things that you bought but what it means when you give it to the person you love. Suddenly the overpriced flowers and chocolates becomes priceless because the girl knows it's more than the flowers and sweets, it's what the guy who thought about it that counts.

The feeling of being remembered today was what I was hoping for.

Well Cupid, I missed Valentine's this year. I wasn't able to show the kind of love that I want to show, nor was I able to receive the kind of love I was hoping to get. Not to mention the whole morning and afternoon I was so angry at something at work that the whole day just passed by. Sorry, I hadn't been paying attention to your holiday maybe that's why the golden arrow missed me.

They say love should always be celebrated everyday. Tomorrow, maybe you could give me another day? I just want to feel a little special, even just a little please? Just one day to be remembered :)

Thanks,
xoxo

Lungkot na lungkot na..

Pagod na ang mata sa pag-luha.

Pagod na ang isip sa pag-alala.

Pagod na rin ang puso sa sakit na nadarama.

Pagod nang maging isang problema.

Tinanggap na ang lahat, pinilit nang baguhin, pero di pa rin matinag ang katigasan ng puso. HIndi na ninais na ibalik ang nakaraan kungdi mag-bago na lamang ang hinaharap.

Pagod nang maghintay, ilang beses nang nagdasal sa itaas. Sana ako naman ang pagbigyan.

Magulo na ang isipan... sana mag-laho na lang akong parang bula.

Sana andito ka

I miss receiving the text messages that makes me smile and laugh. I miss the hug at the end of a tiring day that makes me feel that everything is going to be okay. I miss the calls you make just to check on me. I miss the dinner date and drinks just to rant and rave about the day. .

I want that now...

Buhloo days

It's one of those blue days where you don't know what's wrong. You're just suddenly quiet and has a sad look in your eyes. But people around you don't see that. One person would ask you if you're okay and you'll say "yeah I'll be fine." but you know you're not. You want them to ask you more questions on what's bothering you.

You look out the window and find yourself alone again. The world outside is so vast and so alive but inside you, you're lifeless. Why can't you feel the energy that's going on outside? Why is it that everyone is thinking so big ideas that suddenly makes you feel so small and insignificant? Like there's no purpose.

But you know there is a purpose. There is a reason you're here. But you just let your self this chance for loneliness to seep in and embrace you in a gloom. You call it gloomy Monday, but the day is not important. You just feel gloomy, that's it.

Alone. Alone again. Playing with memories in your head, wishing that someone out there will just sweep you off your feet everytime you're feeling down. Where is the knight in shining armor when you need one? Who cares if he doesn't come on a white horse or his armor is all busted. What's important is that man will just be there to hold you and remind you how fascinating you can be even if you're in that lonely state. Because you are your true self that made him want to be with you. And he will try to take all those sad looks away. He'll keep you busy, distract you, cheer you on, make you laugh, hold you tight, make you feel like a child again. He'll be that person whom when he asks you if you're okay, you can finally tell him that you're not and he will take care of everything. No matter what it takes, he'll listen and make everything right for you even for a while. And you'll feel better and the "buhloo days" will be gone for now.

Next time it happens, he'll still be there just to make you smile.

Where is he? :(

Reminder

While You Were Sleeping

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to?"

- Lucy (Sandra Bullock)

My favorite movie for all time...

Baby Be Mine 2

Congratulations to my colleague who's pregnant now with her first baby!

I wonder if I'm going to be a mommy. I'm scared with this feeling that I might not get to that level, that really important part of a woman's life. I can't help but feel this sad twinge in my heart everytime I see a couple with their children. I envy my friends talking about their kids. I want to get married and be able to get to that future that I dream of. Right now though, it's so unclear.

Two more years... hopefully something that I want to happen will happen within those two years.

*sigh*

Sweet Sadness

I no longer enjoy eating chocolates.

If before a pack of Hershey's Kisses is enough to shine upon my gloomy day, it's no longer the same. I bought 2 packs but I haven't touched it. My brother and my dad are the ones consuming the delightful sweet. They still seem to have it in them to enjoy such things.

I can't remember the last time I ate an actual piece of chocolate. My friend gave me a piece of Toblerone mini and I just took it home. Even if I feel like buying a Machiavelli chocolate, once I pass by the store, the excitement is gone (and to think I haven't even bought a single chocolate from Machiavelli Chocolatier. I heard it's exquisite). Royce chocolates usually excites me but I think it's no longer that fascinating to me. I remember a guy who once gave me a box of Royce chocolates. I miss the feeling of surprise of receiving it as well as the joy of receiving something like that from him.

Did I suddenly become health conscious? I know I got a little chubby but I still enjoy eating sweet stuff (except chocolates.) They said it's better not to deprive yourself with the sweet stuff. I still eat the usual cake or pies or pastries. But an actual piece of chocolate is different.

Chocolate is considered as an aphrodisiac and it gives you a sense of joy/excitement in it self and even the manner of eating it. When you open a box of chocolates, you let your fingers glide to each piece, feeling the smoothness, appreciating how it's presented and you wonder how each different piece will taste. You get excited as you put it in your mouth, and savor the sweetness. Then you'll feel a sense of happiness, just because it's chocolate.

My romance with chocolate has somewhat faded. I have been feeling down since the start of the year. I wonder what it is that's missing? And I wonder if the chocolate can still give me that loving feeling.

FB Quote

"This is the true measure of love: When we believe that we alone can love, that no one could ever have loved so before us, and that no one will ever love in the same way after us”

- not sure where I found this but I posted this oh so long ago.

Love what you do. Love who you're with.

“You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always gonna be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you're doing, you'll most probably stop at the first giant hurdle.”

Unspoken

Only the stars knew what I meant by that.


I want to say it but I'm not sure if it was the right moment. I tried to look for an answer but the darkness blurred your melancholy eyes. I guess this is it, this is where the crossroads took us. I turned to one path and the world has changed.

Is that the last time I'll stand on that sidewalk? Will I ever walk that hall again? My mind is filled with questions and it was my grim companion during the walk home.

Still I tried to think there's hope. That a silver lining is behind every dark cloud, that there is a sunrise after... well whatever those idiomatic expressions be. And maybe the future will work out for the better, and we'll both be better persons after this. After all, I chose to be happy and you... well, I'm still not sure what it is you wanted. I hope you find it though.

Don't take too long.

The Gospel today

"Lord if you are willing, you can cleanse me." Luke 5:12-16

Let go of the past hurt and move on. Believe that God will heal your pain and you will be blessed.

"Love the One You're With" by Emily Giffin

"But maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."

I read this line from a book by Emily Giffin. And I remembered something close to that line that an old flame once told me: that love is not just a feeling but a choice. When you fall, that's the feeling, but when you finally accepted that you are in love, that's the choice. Love must also have acceptance. And with acceptance, it must have commitment. You can't just have love and be done with it like that. It must be nurtured, and it must grow. Not just the feeling but also the two people sharing it. Both must accept, and both must commit.

Now, are you ready for that commitment to love?

Give thanks

... for the lessons learned in 2010
... for the love you felt from your family and friends.
... for the people you consider your mentors
... for the prayers that have been answered
... for the prayers that have not been answered because He's got something better in mind.
... for rekindling old friendships
... for new friends that will matter in the future.
... to the person who gave birth to you
... to the one who believes you can do it.
... that even if there were difficult times, you are still together.
... that you learned to take care of his heart by getting over him.
... for the tiny surprises in life.
... for the gift of song.
... to your brother who watched you cry when you get broken hearted and made you laugh just so you will forget the pain.
... for this family that you have now.
... for the cheers that you received from your peers
... that the plans you have for your life is turning out in a good direction.
... that your salary is enough for you
... that you managed to save some money in the bank.
... that you're finally building a career.
... that someone is keeping you safe from harm.
... that you just have enough.
... for support and advice of friends
... that your mother believes in what you can do.
... that you have something to share to others less fortunate.
... for His love got you through 2010 and will take you further in 2011.

363 days to go

Mag-isa ka nanaman. Daig ka pa ni ate may ka-HHWW sa mall. Minsan hindi mo alam kung maasiwa ka o maiinggit. Onga naman, bat sila may kasama ikaw wala? Pati yung kahera sa sinehan nagtaka bat isa lang na ticket binili mo, eh horror nga ang ipapalabas. Sino naman kaya ang tatabihan mo kung natatakot ka? Kung naka-off lang siguro sya, dadamayan ka nya.

Sa loob ng sine, lahat sila may katabi. Ikaw lang wala. Sila merong kayakap pag nakakatakot yung ipapalabas, ikaw pilit nagiging matatag. Sila dyan may maiiyakan pag di na kaya ang nakikita, ikaw naka-akap na lang sa sarili kahit takot na takot na. Buti pa sila.

At maiisip mo, kelan ba ang huling beses na kasama mo syang manood? Nalimutan mo na.

Pagtapos ng sine, kainan naman. Ang sweet naman nila na tabihan ka, yun pala eh kukunin lang yung bakanteng upuan sa harap mo. "Miss may kasama ka ba?", sabay hila ng upuan na di man lang antayin ang sasabihin mo. May kasama ka nga ba? May hinihintay ka ba? Obvious namang wala. Wag mo nag ipagpilitan na may tatabi pa sa'yo.

Dati-rati gusto mong nagso-solo ka. Mahilig ka pa nga maglakad mag-isa. Pero ngayon syempre dapat iba na. Dapat may kasama ka na kahit maglakad lang sa mall. Meron kang date kahit san ka man pumunta. Pero di mo naman alam kung mahahagilap mo sya. Alam mo na agad ang sagot sa tanong mo kung gusto nyang lumabas. Wag ka nang umasa.

A-dos pa lang ng Enero, parang Biyernes Santo na ang mukha mo. Dinaig mo pa ang bilis ng paglipat ng kalendaryo. Bagong taon pa lang, parang gusto mo nang tapusin ulit ito. Di siguro maiiwasan ang paglulumbay na nadarama. Naiintindihan ko naman na iba na ang nararamdaman mo. Kakapasok pa lang ng taon, may kulang na. Pilit mo laging iniisip na ngayon lang ito, pero ilang beses na nga bang nagparaya ka? Ilang beses na bang naramdaman mong nag-iisa ka?

Andyan naman sila pero hindi naman sila yung taong gusto mong nagiisip sa'yo. Sagad na ang pasensya, pati ang ngiti mo. Wala nang natira para sa taong ito kundi isang simangot. Maya-maya lamang ay ramdam mo na ang init ng luhang pilit lumabas sa mga mata. Hindi na tama ito, hindi na tulad ng dati. 

Sa bawat hakbang, napag-iisip, nagmumuni-muni. Sa sobrang lunkot, gusto mo nang humiga sa isang tabi. Gusto mo nang tawagan pero parang balewala rin. Hindi ikaw ang uunahin, hindi ikaw ang hinahanap. Lagi na lang ikaw ang nagpaparaya, ikaw ang unang gagawa ng hakbang. Pero tulad ng nasa-isip mo, pagod ka na. Sobra na ang binigay mo, naghahanap ka na ng sukli.

Titingin na lang sa orasan, uwian na pala. Kung noon ayaw mo pang umuwi, ngayon parang yun na lang ang dapat puntahan. Hindi ka pa ready sa pasukan, pero di mo na mahila ang mga minuto para lubusin ang natitirang bakasyon. Sa susunod na linggo ba ganito ulit tayo?

Nakaka-pagod din pala ang mag-isa.