*Smooch*

I had it all planned in my head. I'll go to your place acting cold, stay over for dinner, watch a little TV then leave by 11 o'clock.

But then you had to greet me by the gate and give me the kiss that destroyed all the plans I had in mind.

Damn. You had me fooled again.

Martir

"Paano ko nalalaman na nagmamahal na ko? Pag nasasaktan ako. Na kahit nasasaktan na ko, kaya ko pa rin syang mahalin."

Sabi ng marami, martir ka. Oo nga, totoo nagpapaka martir ka. Mas gusto mo bang nasasaktan? Iniisip mo bang kaya nya talagang bumawi sa'yo? Di mo ba talaga kayang mawala sya?

Ano ba talaga ang LOVE?

Ang love ay yung naiintindihan ka kahit sobrang init ng ulo mo. Yung tatahimik muna at makikinig bago ka magsalita. Love ay yung kahit naiinis na kayong dalawa, magkahawak pa rin ang kamay nyo pag kayo'y naguusap. Love ka nya kung lagi nyang iniisip ang kalagayan mo. Kahit sobrang daming ginagawa, makita lang ang picture mo, okay na sya. Love ay yung yayakapin ka pag gabing malamig. Maglalambing sa'yo kasi alam nya paano ka lambingin.

Love yung marunong humingi ng tawad. Yung nag sosorry ng totohanan. Yung hindi takot at ma pride na umamin na may kasalanang nagawa. Love yung may pangarap sa buhay, at yung pangarap na yun gagawin nyang lahat makamit lang nya at sisiguraduhin na makakasama ka sa pangarap na yun. Love yung hindi aangal sa mga request mo, papayagan ka kahit papaano sa mga gusto mo kasi minsan ka lang naman humingi. Di mo kailangan humingi ng oras sa taong mahal mo dahil pag love ka nun, lagi syang may oras sa'yo.

Ang Love yung kikilalanin ang mga kaibigan mo kahit ayaw nya sa kanila. Love yung gusto rin makilala ng maayos ang pamilya mo. Love yung may tiwala ang tao sa'yo kahit san ka pumunta. Love yung hindi insecure pag kasama mo ibang tao. Love yung makaka alala na bigyan ka ng kahit maliit na bagay para maipakita na naalala ka nya. Love yung hindi ka susungitan pag gusto mong maglambing. At lalo na yung mga panahon na kailangan ikaw naman ang intindihin. Di ka dapat laging pinaiiyak ng love mo. Kung mahal ka nya, alam nya kung paano nya mapapatahan ang iyong pag luha.

Ito lahat ng gusto mo di ba? Pero asan na yan? Nakilala mo na ba? May isang bagay kang hindi naisip sa Love. Sa Love kailangan mo laging masaktan. Importanteng mahal ka nung tao, pero alalahanin mong masasaktan ka rin pag nagmahal ka. Hindi laging maganda ang kalalabasan, hindi laging yung gusto mong mangyari yun lang. Ang love pa-iba iba. Ang love magulo ang utak kaya nasasaktan ang tao. Siguraduhin mo lang handa ka masaktan at umiyak pag nagmahal ka.

Siya pa rin ba yung love na hinahanap mo? Handa ka bang laging masaktan?

Martir ka nga.

Quote

"Be kind. Remember, everyone you meet is fighting a battle."

Crescent

You watch silently with that grin on your face. Wondering what's the next thing that will happen. You and the stars are our audience in the sky, curiously twinkling how our story would go.

There you go..

"It's not that simple... think about it."

Paranoia

Please find time to look back as you move forward. I'm already falling behind...

I ask my self why I love you but I couldn't find the answer. I searched for it on your sleeping face but I couldn't disturb your dreams. Your mind has taken sides with your doubtful thoughts. Thankfully your heart hasn't been affected yet.

Your touch is no longer gentle. I'm confused with every contact that stir my deepest soul. And your kiss most of all, before when it seems you were calling out my name with every kiss we share, have been silent. Your eyes too have been lying to me. I see my reflection in your eyes, looking like a blurred memory.

Even the sky has gone blank. The stars barely speak and the moon has stopped smiling. You're standing there beside me but you haven't said anything. You didn't tell me that the universe has changed when I turned my back for a moment.

So I find myself crying for no reason. That choking sensation inside me have won and so I cry every morning and every night. I think of you and how I want us to be together and the tears speak to me about not losing hope, thus I cry. I think of you and "what-if" you have gone away from me, and my eyes starts brimming with tears. I don't know which one is the lesser evil: being together with you but it hurts when you throw my love aside? Or not being with you and not feeling anything for you at all? It's both painful and the more I think about it, the closer I am to crawling to the grave.

My heart won't take it if you go because it knows that you're the only one. I am a true example of love waiting, of a single soul searching for it's other half. You're here now; I've found you. So when you're gone, where will my soul go? It found you already, the search is over. She couldn't think of anyone else to love.

Please don't go. You're alot to lose.

Marriage is...

The union of two bestfriends. Two persons and one love united.

Why do I love you? I don't know. I just do.

I don't think I'll
ever stop wondering
Why
Everytime
I look at you
I feel like
giving you a hug
or a kiss
or both

It comes so natural
to me to love you

That's why I
keep asking myself
why I do
But I couldn't think
of a proper excuse
or a romantic explanation

And all I end up doing
is giving you a hug
a kiss
or both.

In Answer to a Letter to Someone

I must've passed you by on the street before. We might not know it then but we're destined to meet. You must've been the man I saw praying a long time ago at a nearby church. We're you asking then that He finally lead me to you? I have asked the stars every night to watch over you and tell you that I am near. They have seen you looking up to them, crying for the answer, searching for me. They couldn't keep it anymore that's why they have asked me to finally come to you.

Have you been searching long? Were you about to give up when I finally met you? Has it been so long that you haven't felt a love so true? My dear, that is why I came here to tell you that your search is over. The scars you have will finally heal and you will be whole once again. I will be the one to hold your heart and care for it. I will be the one to care for you that way you should be cared for. I will be the one to sing the songs of love you've always liked to hear. I will keep your secrets and listen to your stories. I will be the one to help you shape your dreams and cheer you on. I will guide you in every step and be there to take the tumble with you in case you fall. I will hold you closer and embrace you with the warmth of the love that I have only for you.

I am not perfect, nor do I aspire to achieve perfection. But you can be sure that I can give you the love and affection that you deserve. I hope I am your dream that came true. You don't have to be perfect yourself. I have accepted you as you are long before we started our search for each other.

This is the end of the road, my love. God has led me to you. You can rest in the love I have offered. You are finally home.

Just Like a Pill (Pink)

I'm lying here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine, cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get out of here

Where I can run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear, you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine, cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get out of here

Where I can run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear, you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
(Just like a pill)
I can't stay on your morphine, cause it's making me itch
(Just like a pill)
I said I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch
(Just like a pill)
I think I'll get out of here

Where I can run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You're making me ill
You keep making me...

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

(Your'e making me, making me ill)
Run, just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill (Yeah)
Instead of making me better
You're making me ill
You keep making me...

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears... (fade out)

This Is It (Michael Jackson)

One, Two, Three, Four

This is it, Here I stand
I’m the light of the world
I feel grand
And this love, I can feel
And I know, Yes for sure
It is real

And it feels as though I’ve seen your face a thousand times
And you said you really know me, yourself
And I know that you have got addicted with you eyes
But you say you’re gonna leave it for yourself
Oh
I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on please just understand

This is it
Like I said
I’m a light of your world
run away
we can feel
This is real
Every time I’m in love yeah I feel

And I feel as though I’ve known you since a thousand years
And you tell me that you’ve seen my face before
And you said to me that you don’t want me hanging around
many times wanna do it here before
Oh yeah
I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on please understand

This is it
I can feel
I’m the light of the world
This is real
feel my song
we can say
And I tell you feel that way

And it feels as though I’ve known you for a thousand years
And you said you saw my face yourself
And you said want to go with you all the while
And I know that it’s really for myself
Oh yeah
I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on please dear understand

I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on dear please understand
Oh yeah

I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan

I Write

I write more when I'm sad
Because when I'm sad
I think of you

I write more when I'm blue
At least inspiration
Comes to take you back to
fantasy

I write more on love
For my heart is always
on my sleeve

I write more on heartaches
Because my heart cries
and I cry along with it

I write more when I'm sad
Because when I write
It's always about you.

Lambing

Uupo na lang sa tabi
at tatahimik
Alam nang walang magagawa
Kahit mainis di
pwedeng magalit
Tampo ko'y aninag
sa mukha

Pilit umiwas kahit anong lapit
Anong kasalanan ba ang nagawa?
Ngiti ay di na pinapansin
Animo'y payaso na
Gusto lang ika'y patawanin

Titingala na lamang
at magdarasal sa
mga bituin
Sana'y marinig ang daing
Kahit minsan
ipakita mo naman
Miss ko lang ang iyong
lambing

Voi Che Sapete

* an Italian Opera song...

You who know what love is,

Ladies, see if I have it in my heart.

I’ll tell you what I’m feeling,

It’s new for me, and I understand nothing.

I have a feeling, full of desire,

Which is by turns delightful and miserable.

I freeze and then feel my soul go up in flames,

Then in a moment I turn to ice.

I’m searching for affection outside of myself,

I don’t know how to hold it, nor even what it is!

I sigh and lament without wanting to,

I twitter and tremble without knowing why,

I find peace neither night nor day,

But still I rather enjoy languishing this way.

You who know what love is,

Ladies, see if I have it in my heart.

First Blog for 2010

Here's a message to me for 2010. I hope YOU won't forget.

- Hope and don't expect. Expecting too much may sometimes lead to disappointments. You always believe that good things happen, and they will. At the right time and at the right place.

- Love the one you're with. I know you love him already, but show him how much more he can be loved. Keep understanding his faults and be patient. A relationship is not a science project. It's a two-way street, give and take, heaven and hell, it takes two to tango... you know what I mean.

- Keep promises. People don't make promises anymore but whatever it is that you promised, either to your self or to someone else, make sure you keep it.

- Remember family. Like what your mom always tell you, no matter what happens, your family are the only people who will not turn you away when you need their help.

- Save Up. If you really want to get that place and that wedding of yours, then SAVE. I know you started already.. but keep saving.

- Be vulnerable. We all know how strong and independent you are but you are still HUMAN. Don't allow yourself not to be vulnerable. It's okay to cry in front of people sometimes.

- Independence and Dependence. You've learned how to be independent. You are slowly releasing yourself from the bonds of whatever it is that is holding you back. But remember, it's okay to depend on someone, especially when you can't do things on your own.

- Delegate. Not everything is your job. Give some to others. Your boss will approve of it because he knows how well you can lead a project.

- Don't be too sarcastic. Not everyone appreciates sarcasm. But if you have to be sarcastic, make sure it's in the right place.

- Remember compliments, forget the insults. When they compliment you, take it nicely and say "thank you." Don't push the compliment back. Sometimes people mean it. As for the insults... well... what insults?

- Clean Up. Either at home, at work, your closet or your life. CLEAN UP. You don't need all those things. You can be sentimental and nostalgic but you still have to let go of the things you don't need.

- Give good advice. People don't usually take advices (I know sometimes you don't take yours), but still give them an advice. At least you said something. But remember that you should give people good advice. Something that can help them, and make them think about it. Don't order... just share.

- Mother Nature. You said you love nature so keep on saving and helping her.

- Run. Either by yourself or with people, running is still good for you.

- Keep pictures. Remember that photo album you've been wanting to work on for the longest time? Well I suggest you start making it now. Digital memories are nice, but sometimes it's good to have something to hold.

- Early Christmas shopping. You know what to buy already. Go to the next sale and buy it then.

- Keep singing. Remember old songs, memorize new ones. It's good to hear your voice and at least you can practice for the next videoke night.

- Give more. It is better to give than to receive because you receive graces ten-fold for a single show of kindness given. So give whatever it is you can give.

- Time management. He said it already: he values time so you should too. Give time for family, be home by 12am, leave the house by 8:45am, make sure the time you spend with your love is well spent (no arguments, not too much dead air, etc.) Time is important this year.

- Make the first move. Whether it's intimate, being sweet, doing a chore or rounding up work to do: don't wait. Make a move.

- Read More. When was the last time you finished a book? I know you've read most of the books in your room but continue reading. Read and re-read. Or open up the books you haven't read yet. And make sure you finish it this time.

- Love yourself again. Don't lose yourself in things that distract you from loving yourself. Remember: you are a beautiful and independent woman. You deserve to be happy and you can find happiness on your own.

- Work harder. To find your place in the industry that you are in, strive to be better, work harder, work smarter, make a good decision and remember to listen to mentors. You already have a career and a name, you just need to show more.

- Make new friends. You keep a lot of old friends and that's not so bad. It shows how loyal you can be. But you should also make new ones. You're friendly girl and it's okay to meet new people. They add knowledge to your world and you will find out that the world is really big and it's not shrinking on you.

- Pray and pray and pray. He's up there and He listens. Dedicate your life to him: your work, your career, your family and your relationships. He does His job and you should too. So talk to Him and give Him something to work on.


You are growing up! And you need to remember these things. You are you and you are special. You can make it again in 2010.


Cheers!