"I don't smoke." I tell people that before. But I don't mind people smoking. I started smoking when I got so mad at my ex for what he did to me. I was annoyed at him and I know he doesn't like people to smoke and I did what I know he doesn't like. So yes, the reason I started smoking was because of him.
But after 3 months of puffing, I stopped. I said I don't want it anymore and I don't need to wallow in smoke just because of a short, stupid guy. So I stopped. I smoked occasionally after.. about once a month only.
Lately I found myself smoking again. I have a certain set of friends who smoke when we drink. My present boyfriend is one of them. No, I don't think they influenced me. I just thought of trying it again (but very occasionally) which is wrong. But somehow, I think I've smoked a little too often. Not everyday, just every time I feel stressed. And the times I've felt stressed seems to be getting a little too often. But no, I don't smoke that way. I think I feel like smoking only when I'm getting really pissed off.
Anyway, I don't want to smoke anymore. My head hurts and I get dizzy whenever that happens. I used to ask my boyfriend if its okay for me to smoke (yes I ask for his permission) and he said if I want to then I go ahead. But I asked him if he can help me stop this smoking thing that's going on with me. He said he does not have to because I should know already what's right and what's wrong.
Okay.. I was only asking for help. I know he means well but somehow, he's going to let me go on what I do.. and I can't get him to help me. I was expecting maybe a "I'll help you. Don't worry you just have to stop thinking about blah blah blah..." Yes I know what's right and what's wrong but I would appreciate it if he'd offer to give some moral support. He doesn't have to be here all the time and tell me off. I just want to know if he'd show some help and support somehow.
Okay now I'm upset (gosh I won't smoke because of this). I wonder what else I won't need support on. People think I can handle things on my own. Maybe at the exterior, I can show that I am a strong, independent woman who can always manage on her own, but I'm also just a woman who needs the support of someone who cares enough to tell her that she's doing too much. I'm the kind of friend who will show support in whatever plans my friend might have. I will always be there for them if they need my point of view in their situation. I'll be there for them when they need my help but I will tell them when they're already doing too much. Why can't people be like that to me too?
At this point, I feel alone in my own endeavor...
2 comments:
I sounds like you are at a critical crossroads. You have made the decision to go away from smoking and understand the importance of finding friends to support you.
Since 80% of the world is now nonsmoking and smoking bans are being passed everywhere, you should be able to find support. I recommend you tell your friends and family you are trying. You will find persons who were secretly hoping you would quit, but were just too polite to say anything.
Be sure to tell your smoking friends. A recent study found that smokers quit in groups. Most smokers will be supportive of you and may wish to join in.
I would be upset with my boyfriend, also, if he wasn't willing to help me. Make sure he understands your desire to quit. It is his job to help you achieve your hopes and dreams.
I am soooo glad you are trying to quit. I wish you very best of luck and hope all your dreams come true.
Hope you are finding some support for staying away from smoking.
I wanted to suggest you could join into some sports activity, its a great way to meet people. Once you start making progress toward a physical fitness goal, it'll give you a reason to avoid smoking. It would, also, be a great excuse to explain to your smoking friends why you are not smoking, without being judgmental.
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