Old post: Friday. A full moon.

(Just thought of posting this one. I made this October 2006. This came from my old blog site. I love this entry..)

Friday. a full moon. and ive no one to share it with...

i hate fridays. it tells me that another week ended, another work day over. just another tiring week. then comes friday and it tells you you earned to have some fun. friday's known to be gimmick night or date night. after work, you hang out with friends or office mates. all of you go out to have some dinner or drinks and rant or rave about work and life.

friday is good for date night too. you and your beau can go out and have a romantic evening, and it might go on until morning, since the next day is a weekend. you can sleep in the whole day.
its friday today and i've nothing to do after work. i had a busy day and was looking forward for some quality time with someone. unfortunately, that didn't work out. i wanted to go out with office mates, but that didn't work out either. they went home ahead of me.

i saw a beautiful, glowing, white moon in the sky tonight. such a sight to behold and i wish i could have shared that moment, staring for a few minutes at the moon. but then, its friday and i've no one to spend it with.

i wanted to go to the mall and have dinner or just walk around. but its friday, you can't do that. there's some sort of unwritten rule that you can't be going solo on a friday. being with one person is good, 5 or more is better. you guys get to share drinks and stories. but i didn't have both so i ended up doing what i always do: walk home.

so what do you do when you're all alone on a friday? you walk alone. you walk straight, with your head held high. do not start sighing so loudly, showing people how unaccompanied you are. you just walk, and i did. its always the thing with me. and im so used to walking alone. but i don't really like walking alone on a friday. but i guess i have to live with that.

saturdays and sundays are good. weekends are always the best since it gives you alot of time to spend on your self, doing what you want to do. i half like friday because it reminds me that the weekend is coming. for the weekend, either i stay home or go out with friends. i also like spending the whole day in bed. the bed and time giving you what you missed because you had to wake up early. saturday's are good. and for me, i like the word saturday. such an easy word to say.

sundays i don't look forward to. the sunday sun shoves right into my face that next day is monday, but that would be for later. sunday's time to go to church, eat lunch out with the family, then spend another lazy afternoon. but i hate sunday nights. sunday night tells you tomorrow is monday so you'd better start preparing for it. i don't like sunday nights, but its the only day that goes well with saturday.

i especially hate mondays. its the start of another crazy 8-5 week. mondays always makes me feel so low and so sleepy. my brain doesn't even start to turn its wheel during mondays. everyday, you always look forward to going home.

i read somewhere that tuesday is my lucky day. i think it was when i was still in college. maybe because my schedule is better every tuesday. anyway, tuesday doesn't feel any different, but i like tuesday. its the day after the boring monday. i guess because the idea of monday being the start of the week already ran out.

wednesdays is a tug of war. the one between the first days of the week and the last days. i feel indifferent with wednesday. but at least it reminds me of thursday.

before saturday, i like thursday. it tells me that friday is just around the corner. so i look forward to thursdays. you never know what's going to happpen on a thursday. thursday is the perfect day for surprises.

weekends are nice but there are only 2 days of it. weekdays last longer. i suppose its how a person sees it. if its the other way around, i dont know which one is better: having a longer weekend or a short one. but i used to like the weekdays, back when someone was still there to accompany me home. i always looked forward to those 5 days. these days, there's no more of that. and we only used to see each other every weekday, that's why i used to like weekdays, and weekends for me means skipping a beat, like music.

i don't want to start talking about my past with that guy again.

days turn into weeks and then to months. its only a few more days till christmas. i wonder what's in store for us this year? christmas times are cold, but i don't mind. im used to the cold. as i am used to being alone.

Old post: To the Computer Geek from the Shy Girl

i cannot ask you if you know
what's going on in my mind
for yours might be as
complex as mine
but i only hope
that with small gestures
the smile on my face
when i look at you
and how my body somewhat shivers
when im close to you
maybe
you could sense it
too
how long i've been
keeping
these special feelings

the words that can't seem
to come out of my mouth
and the only way i can show it
is by the smile on my face
and stolen glances along the way
and through
this poem
im too shy for you to read.

This 2008...

- I will work even harder and do my best as a Marketing Assistant.
- I plan to have my first trip to Boracay on May 2008. With whom? I dunno... depends on who's available :)
- I will buy the Asus Eee PC... and I mean it.
- I want to reconnect with old friends
- I want to fall in-love... but this time, I will not rush my heart to fall.
- I'll really save up for that house I want to buy :)
- I will learn how to drive.
- my time is my own.
- I'll look for a pet who wouldn't die after a few weeks :P (possible kaya?)
- I will still keep my promise of taking care of your heart.
- I'll throw away all those old stuff in my room... doesn't matter whethere they're my things or someone else's. I'll get rid of them if they're not using it.
- I'll go to Singapore. Why? Wala lang :P
- I will find a better reason to cry.
- I need to fix my scrapbook. And update the darn thing :P
- I need to update my iPod GB! Better get those darn titles correct.
- I'll keep on singing.. :)
- I'll buy Christmas gifts early hahaha! Natuto na ako sa nangyari sa amin ni Audrey :P
- Uunahin kong bilin ang Asus Eee laptop kesa bumili ng bagong cellphone :P
- I'll keep on writing in my blog.. and delete my old site as soon as I find my stupid password (damn it..)
- I'll still love...
- I'll go swimming kahit sa pool lang! (shout out to sa mga friends ko sa SAP :P)
- I plan to be a better person. Not change to someone different.
- I hope I'll be lucky this year :)
- I'll get a better events team :P
- I'll make my life easier in the office by asking questions and sorting out everything on my desk :)
- I'll learn how to fix the CSS themese in my multiply account..
- I'll keep myself fit.
- I'm not going to spend on anything not worth spending on.
- I'll get more songs from Zap (para di naman puro emo music ang pinakikinggan ko.. :P)
- I'll join WWF (World Wildlife Foundation ha... hindi World Wrestlin Federation! Isipin nyo yung may Panda!) or an org that will really interest me.
- I'll forgive and forget... and start anew.
- I'll go out on dates! :D
- I'll go back to Bohol with my girlfriends (please? please? PUHHHLLLEEASSE??)
- I'll write a better blog :P
(too many plans for the new year... hopefully I'd be able to work on these :) )

Year-end Surprise

Fate looked back at me before he walked away to do something about the coming year. And he gave me a knowing smile. Suddenly, amidst the peppermint mocha frappucino and pages of exciting harry potter reading, my phone beeped and an unknown number came in. The message is unexpected, and so I asked who it is. Surprise, surprise... the message came from someone I once knew. It made me laugh and the memories came flowing back again. I haven't been feeling alright lately, I even found myself crying out of the blue. But that one message made it all better. I guess my year will still end right. Fate gave me another chance to get it all back.

Thanks for coming back :) I'm glad you remembered me. And I'm happy to hear from you again.

To be Non-existent

I was doing an experiment today, inspired by some thing I read in one of my friend's blog's. I decided I wanted to dissappear for one day. Just one day (or maybe two.. I might do this again tomorrow haha :P) to stop existing in YOUR world. I've been cooking up a plan yesterday on how I should do my dissappearing act. Is it really to dissappear? Hmm... I just don't want to be found I guess. I was planning to go to work really really early so that the people here won't know that I'm in the office already. I left my phone at home just for fun (I've lived without it before... what's the difference with not having it for a day?). I did tell four people that I don't have my phone with me. But only those people I know I would need to talk to today. And so, I decided I don't want to be found, to dissappear, to not exist in everyone's world for a day.

What happened? Well obviously my experiment ended early as someone caught me and found me eventually (yes, I'm hiding okay? It's an experiment). Messages came in so I had no choice but to surrender. It might sound like I'm hiding from one person only, but actually to everyone (I was in invisible mode in the chatroom) *sigh*  I just want to hide from everyone I know. Why am I doing this? Nothing. I just want to. Maybe try and explore around... and let everyone wonder what I'm up to. I don't have an exact objective for this experiment, but it was fun while it lasted.

Conclusion? Well I was hoping to dissappear for one day but I guess half a day isn't so bad. I was in the office and didn't leave my room most of the time. What did I feel? Excited at the thought that people are looking for me, not knowing where or how to find me. We're all dependent on the fact that we can contact people on mobile, 24/7. It felt like I was free for a moment there when I wasn't bothered at all with messages or calls (i didn't pick up the landline if the ring is from an outside call, not internally). I wonder how many calls and unread messages are in my phone today? To those people who thought of me and went looking for me (if there were any), rest assured that I'm okay and ready to live another day.

I guess this experiment needs a little more tweaking (yes, I'm going to do this again). Time, venue and location should be different. I guess next time I'll try and do it for about two days. You may think of this as funny or stupid but you're free to think that way. I just want to dissappear. Period.

So, do you want to try and dissappear for moment?

Emo-ing Part 2

When you're all alone in the marketing room, you can scream, cry and emote all you want. Turn off the lights, lock the door, and feel how small the world is. I turn on the volume to it's loudest and savored once again the emo songs in my computer.

 

Phone's ringing, but I'm not answering. I want to stop existing from the world even for a day.

 

What I'm listening to right now...

 

WALKER’S RIDGE (CITY SLEEPS)

On walkers ridge love is not enough
And time keeps ticking on without us
Hand in hand the gods will ignore
Confused the rain here comes your face
A strange one with familiar traces
Silver tears you left there before

Now will you fall into a different world
Where I'd be the only one

And I've only missed you to pick my locks
And try to guess who's come around and who's stayed
And I've tried to stay alive
I cried myself to sleep every night
Dreaming to recapture the faces you made

I've got two pills in the usual drink
And I'd be the only one

Chorus:
'Cause you drive me crazy
You know that you do
It hurts that you won't be mine
'Cause you drive me crazy (crazy)

On walker's ridge time is not enough
To burn the houses down looking up
Eye to eye the gods will recognize
You left a trail of tears behind
And all the streets end up intertwined
So walker's ridge is where I will die

I've got two pills in the usual drink

Chorus
Crazy
You know that you do
It hurts that you won't be mine
You drive me crazy
(You drive me crazy, crazy)

Blogmusing

you just posted something in your blog again. and i'm so nervous everytime i read your blog. i don't know... maybe because im excited that i might read something about you that i don't know yet. i might have another discovery about you. or maybe because im hoping you'd write something about me.

i remember in one of my blog entries, i mentioned that i'm nervous everytime i post a blog. i might say something there about someone and i don't know if that person will read it or not (yes.. to much anonymity.. i guess i still don't want to say it here who that person is). but one thing's for sure, i don't know what to write about you. i don't know where to start. should i say you made me smile again today? should my sentence start with your name?  is the internet the best place to put everything how i feel about you? okay.. well for that last part, maybe not. still, I want to write something about you. something not everyone knows about. but i guess i have yet to know what it is i should know about you.

but your blog isn't about me. it's for somebody else. someone i never knew but i guess that person is important to you that you have something to say. somehow, reading through it, i realized there are alot of things i need to know from you. i need to get to know you better. written words can lie... and i can only make up a story about you and me but i don't want that. i guess i need more sunday nights alone with you.

somehow i have a lot to say but couldn't find the right words to say it. i guess that's always the case with me. i'd rather that i say what i want to say than just make up an excuse and beat around the bush. but don't worry, you'll read something different next time. I just don't know if you'll notice that it's about you.

(don't bother asking... effect of emo music and reading alot of stuff... notice all paragraphs (except first) ends in YOU)

Wish List

A good friend asked me before what I want to get for christmas. And I politely answered, "ASUS Eee PC na worth Php17,500 lang sa Cyberzone sa Megamall. May nakita din ako sa Galleria same din, worth 18,000-19,000." Hahaha! Ipromote daw ba? :P Well for me, it's one heck of a nice PC. Small, simple, easy to use and it's just perfect for someone like me. To learn more, click here: ASUS Eee PC.

Well, obviously it's the only thing I have in mind. I even asked my aunt from the States to buy me one (hopefully she does when she comes back to the Philippines this coming December 26 yey!). If they can't get it for me, then I'll just have to get it myself and make it my birthday and christmas gift for 2008 :D

Anyway, Christmas is just a week away and I still don't know what I really want to get. Everytime someone asks me what I want as a present, I answer with shrug, or just tell them "Kayo nang bahala.." I really don't know what to answer. Every time there's a kris-kringle for a party, everyone asks for a wish list. What the heck, I just put anything I can think of on paper then roll it and dropped it in the bowl (I took out the wish for "peace on earth and happiness to men"... I remembered my "mommy" isn't a god or a genie...). I remember writing "boquet of pink flowers and orchids" as my wish for Christmas, and I got it from my team leader in BSO last year. So sweet! She asked me why I want to have that for Christmas, I just told her I was reading the book, "Empress Orchid" and it got stuck. For some reason I wanted flowers for Christmas :)

Whatever it is I get this holiday season, I'm always gratefull for every thing. Still, I don't mind not getting anything at all. I was happy enough that my crush gave me a piece of chocolate out of the blue. I even kept the wrapper as a memorabilia :P Small, simple things (like the ASUS Eee laptop...joke) makes me happy. Especially a smile on someone's face, and words of love is enough as a gift for me.