Sleep-Less mornings and Rain-Y evenings

March 10, 2003/ May 29, 2003

1:00 a.m./ 9:00 a.m.

This is for you

That someone,

I can never get

Over with.

Dear someone,

I just want you to know I’m still here. Always near you if ever you need me and even those times that you want to be left alone, which by the way, you keep on doing these days.

Did you notice that I was sad? I don’t know but sometimes when I’m with you I feel like crying but you never saw that because I always manage to stop my self from starting the water works. But one time when I just couldn’t stand it, I just cried beside you and you saw those tears just fall. I’m sorry, I never meant to be weak.

Yes I’ve heard. She was that girl you can never stop thinking about. I’m glad to see you’re smiling again. Your face glows, your eyes sparkle and I so love looking at them just like before. It just shows how in love a person can be. I envy you coz you’re in love… you’re in love with her…

Don’t worry I won’t cry again. Not for you I guess. Showing you how weak I was once was enough. I’m happy for you, really. I don’t need to tell you that I love you so much. You’ve heard it before even if it was just a faint whisper. And I’m sure you know and I know you felt it somehow but that was in the past. That’s how it is, everyone is scared to admit it in the beginning. I don’t blame you. I was scared too.

Well I guess I’ll be one of those who would just look at someone like you from afar and love you then. But you know me, I don’t settle for that. I’ll move on like the time I moved on when you can’t tell me you love me. I’ll still love you; I’ll still be here. But when the time comes, you decided to look back and I’m not there anymore, I’ve already moved on and settled permanently. I might remember you but please, I must’ve loved somebody else by that time. I’ll be your friend.

So now I’ll call you friend. That’s right. A good friend. That’s how everything starts right? But sometimes it painfully ends like that. I want to thank you for making me open to love and that somehow I know you were in love too but you never had the guts to say it. I won’t push you anymore. I’m fine and I’m happy. You must’ve loved me differently so I’ll stop to that.

I’ll forget you but please forgive me when on rainy days I write your name on a dusty windowpane. I said I’d forget but old habits are hard to break. Don’t worry, they can be brushed off easily.

In time we’ll forget and in time we’ll remember. Love her, love her, and love her even more. And I’ll remember that too. So please my beloved someone, my good friend, don’t forget to stay in love like that. I will too.

Goodbye once again.

X0X (Die hand die verletzt)