I'll Miss You.. Until We Meet Again.

The power of prayer is amazing.

It was painful knowing that I lost you for the last time. At the moment when we're about to mark our 3rd year together, you decided to have a change of heart. It was sudden and so unbelievable that I had to see friends and family just so I can put dangerous thoughts at bay.

Yes, losing you was very painful.

I had a feeling that you were different, that you don't want me anymore. But I was surprised when you told my friend that you love me so much. Somehow I couldn't put the way you treated me and that, which what you told my best friend, together. Who was that who seek counsel from my friend, from the man who ignored me for more than two weeks? If you were confused about how we are, imagine how much I tore my head out trying to find an explanation from everyone why you would even treat me that way. And so I said goodbye to you, knowing deep inside, this is probably the very last time I will send you that message.

I thought you had changed and wanted to make everything better for us. I still don't understand why you would tell me that you don't want to talk to me. As always, you would keep things to yourself when you know someone right here wants so much to help you unpack that baggage of yours.

As I said, the power of prayer is amazing.

I know I will be broken up inside for a long time but I don't want people to know. Only a very few people know about my situation with you and I want to keep it at that. I know I will be sad and weepy but I need to show others that I am OK; there's nothing wrong with me. The next two days after my last message to you was hell. Truly hell.

But I know I need to turn to Someone with Higher Power. A love far stronger. Not knowing what else to ask, I prayed to God for strength. I could have asked for lightning to strike you or a passing bus to hit you and drive over you... I could have prayed for a lot worse things. Instead, I asked for my own strength. The will to endure the days and the people to give me support. 

Then, I asked God to stop the pain. I know I have a tendency to let my thoughts wander and make sad and bitter scenarios in my head. So I asked Him to give me one day, just one whole day, to carry the pain with me, and when I wake up, the pain will be gone. I told myself I will deal with this for one day and then no more. 

And He did just that. He took the pain away in just one night.

Mornings are better now. My routine is still the same but I feel lighter this time. I challenged my self to read through all your past messages and emails and see if I can deal with it. I looked at your pictures, read your messages, but this time I don't feel sad anymore. I just smile and reminisce about the wonderful and happy times I had with you. No more pain. 

So now I'm better, I'm OK. I'm on my road to recovery. 

The very last time I saw you, you were sleeping. I remember I kissed you while you sleep. My fondest memory is you sleeping beside me, your tender moment. I was really happy and that was my last memory of you. 

La Lune says thank you for the happy memories.