A Message to the Stars

I wonder if he still talks to you guys...

I read his messages again and he mentioned there that if ever I feel alone and lonely, I just need to look up and talk to you. I thought it funny back then, walking then looking up and voicing out your emotions to the sky. Still, it wouldn't be bad to try. So I found myself sending a message to him through the stars. I sure hope you'll give this to him the way I said it.

All I want to say to him is that: I'm still doing my best to smile. To smile even when I'm confused; to smile even when I'm sad; to smile even when I'm tired; to smile when I know that all I want to do is cry.

I'm smiling C. I'm smiling because you said it's better for me to smile. Because I keep on thinking somebody might be watching me and if I look at him, his crazy smile just might make me laugh. The stars have seen me cry so many times, more this year than before. I just couldn't help it. I'm a woman and tears are the only way I can truly show how I feel.

It's just bad how Z had hurt me so much. My heart would break into two every time I see him, and it will take a few reflective thinking just to sew my heart together again. It's frustrating and I don't want it anymore. I gave up longing for him. So this time, I thought of you instead and remembered what you said. I smile now because you said I have to.

I have to smile for you because if I don't, then the stars would know and they will tell you all about it and you'll be sad. Your efforts of trying to keep me a happy person will be wasted. But I don't want that... I don't want you to be sad. But then somehow I know it's not for you, you want me to do this for myself because you know I deserve to be happy.

Well C, I'm smiling now. I told myself I'll leave it all behind and move on. I promised myself that I'll continue smiling and I don't need to be sad when I start thinking about what happened in the past. I remember how you said before that you should just look forward to a new day and make new special memories.

Thanks for loving me so much C. Thanks for the love that I will always remember... and will make me smile.