April is taking too looooong..

A while back I was thinking the month of April is taking too long to finish. I'm not sure if it's the summer solstice or maybe because I'm getting excited to have some events done. I am somewhat busy this month but I feel like I'm not finishing anything at all.

I don't even feel inspired to write. I keep on thinking on writing something but I can't. I want to write a poem but the right words seems to fall off my grasp. This is just really frustrating. I bought books already that I haven't started reading because I don't feel like reading them or I'm no longer interested in reading books (which is really bad on my case)

Sometimes, I just want to lie down on the bed. I think I need more sleep but sleeping is boring me out. I find myself falling asleep in the office while working on the computer (basically opening-closing-reopening windows). I'm so low in energy right now (I don't have the Country Manager aura (inside marketing joke)). I just don't know why.

April is such a weird month... I guess there's not much happening... I wanted to go out with some people but it just don't happen. I miss them but can't seem to get myself to meet with friends. I don't think this is the Azy who is writing this at this very moment.

I'm not even sure if I'm still in love.

Choices

I've been bombarded with alot of things lately. Work+Life balance is a little screwed up. I don't feel as energetic as I was before. Usual questions are being asked. The same faces staring at me. Advices that people have been repeating to me over and over and over...

I'm getting tired of giving the same excuses...

 

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day everyone! Be conscious of your environment. Don't forget, Mother Earth is taking care of you without you asking for it :)

Be happy under the blue sky :)

8 Random Things (From Nick Y)

Tagged by Nick (haha request granted!)

Share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you.
Then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going.
– Each blogger must post these rules first.
– Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
– Bloggers who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
– At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
– Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I treat my stuffed toys like my kids. I have 3 favorites: Koala (from Papa when he went to Australia back in 1989), Cuddles (a brown bear lying on his tummy. first thought he's a dog.. brothers kept insisting he's a bear.. my young mind couldn't comprehend the difference haha), Barry (another brown bear my mom bought for me out of a whim (fell inlove with him)), and Lucky (the pink bear my brother George won for me in the Dream Catcher game in Timezone.. spent 500 pesos just for that game). But don't tell the others that.. they might get jealous haha.

2. I love surprises and like giving people surprises. I just don't get the opportunity to do so.

3. I'm a DOM magnet! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! :((

4. When I'm really annoyed at someone or something, please do not leave me alone at a mall or a bookstore as I will not leave that place until I buy something Whether I need it or not. Basically just don't leave me alone when I'm annoyed :P

5. I have an imaginary lover. Seriously, I think about him most of the time. I have the image in my head, I know how he looks like, how he talks, what he does for a living, what we do together, I even made a family background about him. But he's only imaginary. I even have a complete name. I'm scared to meet him in real life.

6. I'm a nature lover. I love the feel of plants on my hands. Whenever I pass by a bush or a tree, I can't help but brush my hands against it when I walk by. Small things like that makes me happy.

7. I don't have a celebrity crush, whether its local or international. I have those celebrities that I like but I'm not exactly a big fan. That's why I won't fit in the production of a TV industry. I'm not into showbiz.

8. I don't know how to ride a bike. I'm not even a good swimmer... but I'm about to get my license to dive haha.

Tagging the following people:
- Zap, Jme, Enzo, Lalaine, Lee Ann, Mic, TinTin, Carlo... hope you guys could respond to this :)

Luna

There's this stray cat that keeps visiting our house every morning/night. A white, grown-up cat with blue eyes. Everytime I hear it "meow", I always rush outside to check him out. Amazing, he's actually tame. When you call him out, he comes to you. I even tried to sneak out a fish or two just to feed him.

I decided to call him Luna (why Luna? maybe because he's white? erh.. no relation to Sailormoon, really.). Honestly, I don't know if he's a boy or a girl. Anyway, he seems to be very interested in me. He'd actually visit in the morning during weekends, and drop by in the evening.

One Sunday, I told Luna I won't be around in the morning from Monday to Friday since I have work. I'm not sure if Luna still drops by during weekdays but I was actually surprised to find him waiting outside our gate when I came home the other night! Wow! It feels great to know I have someone, even just a cat, waiting for me to come home. That was touching. He's playfull as usual, kept on rubbing himself on my legs. I don't think he likes it though because I was wearing pants.. he likes it better I guess when I'm in my pj's or wearing shorts (hmmm... maybe he really is a "he").

Anyway, Luna's such a charming stray cat. Whenever he visits me in the evening, he looks up to me with those big eyes! So cute! I remember praying to St. Francis of Asisi to send me a pet that I can take care of. He may not be around all the time, atleast I know I have a pet I can call mine for now :P 

Facehooked

Gaah... i went along with the Facebook trend! Found myself checking out the website then decided to register.

I have 13 friends as of the moment.

Now.. better think if I should let go of my Friendster account or not..

Lonely Musings

Don't ask...

- He's made up his mind to leave it all behind
- Just one more story from a lonely road
- Is it your heart, Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
- Sa kanya pa rin babalik sigaw, ng damdamin
- I'll be waving my hand watching you drown, watching you scream, quiet or loud
- I'm waiting for the sky to fall, I'm waiting for a sign.
- And my wish is you'd let me spend my whole life with you
- I've waited long enough to find you
- And I'm never gonna give you up for someone else's love
- If all my dreams come true, I'll be spending time with you
- Di mahuhulaan damdamin mo, Kungdi sasabihin, sabihin mo na
- Di ko alam ba’t di mo makayanan na iwanan sya
- Longing to spend every moment of the day with you
- Kapag ako ay iwan mo mamamatay ako, Pagkat hawak mo sa iyong kamay ang puso ko
- So confused and I don't know how to deal with it. Need sometime for awhile before I give my heart away
- Ok na ako ngayon. di tulad ng dati umaasa  sayo...
- Naghahanap ka pa ba? Ng ibang taga lupa?
- don't leave me standing in the dark
- Pangarap ka na lang ba o magiging katotohanan pa? Bakit may mahal ka nang iba
- Ngumiti kahit na napipilitan, Kahit pa sinasadya...Mo akong masaktan paminsan-minsan, Bawat sandali na lang
- Talk about a fine line between love and hate
- That I love you
  I have loved you all along
  And I miss you
  Been far away for far too long
  I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
  and you’ll never go
  Stop breathing if
  I don’t see you anymore
- Nagtataka... Simple lang naman sana... Ang buhay Kung ika'y matino
- Naaalala mo pa ba nung tayo'y magkasama pa
  Iyong sinabi't pinangako na nalimot mo na siya
  At kahit naglaho ka na muling sumama sa kanya
  Sa aking puso ay ikaw pa rin, ikaw pa rin
- Ano ba talagang mas gusto ko
  Ang beer na ito
  O ang pag-ibig mo
- But you put on quite a show. 
  Really had me goin'
  But now it's time to go,
  Curtain's finally closin'.
  That was quite a show.
  Very entertainin'.
  But it's over now.
  Go on and take a bow.
- Nguni't kung ang pagsuyo'y lilipas din.. Bagay kaya ang bato sa buhangin ...
- But I don’t care what they say
  I’m in love with you
  They try to pull me away
  But they don’t know the truth
  My heart’s crippled by the vein
  That I keep on closing
  You cut me open
- Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause It's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
- Where is the moment we needed the most
- The little things you do to me are taking me over.
- Please don't worry bout me I'm fine, Only gonna play the fool one time, Trust me when I say That I'll be okay... Go on girl...

Nothing much.. just got some lines from songs... They're all random, really. There's this person I hope would read this and react but I don't expect that he will... he'll just tell me when I see him haha. I have a feeling I know what he'll say though...he's been repeating it over and over... I got alot of things to think about since last night..

Student-Teacher Relationship

... goes beyond the confines of the school, even way after graduation..

In the photo is me and my college professor, Bong Lopez. A lawyer by profession, a teacher by calling. He teaches Philippine Constitution, Labor Law, and Media Law in both UST and Arellano University. He graduated from UST as well... and until now, he's with UST, teaching students not just their primary subjects but also about life.

Bong is amazing and surprising. The first time I met him, he looked so serious. Everyone could see then that he was a tough teacher, someone quite hard to please. Somehow, I warmed up to him when he called my name and I saw a smile on his face (my name's quite a charmer.. a round of applause to my name... :P).

Sir Bong's style is calling out a name randomly from the class cards and he will ask you a question that can be found in the book (if you read it) or sometimes, questions that will really make you think (not exactly found in the book). I love going to all his classes when I was in college and I really like it when he's the teacher teaching the subject. He shares alot of experiences and gives a lot of thought provoking ideas.. he's that good. I remember one class when he called me and I did my best to answer his question, he made a comment: "Ikaw pag graduate mo, sana maging Cum Laude ka." I was like, WOW! Talk about a high expectation! I made sure I worked hard in his subject. Unfortunately I didn't graduate with honors, but he's happy I got a Dean's Lister award during my stay at UST :)

I met up with him the other day just for coffee and bonding. He had a lot of stories to tell, how much he misses me, our classes before, the batch that he misses, and alot more. Bong hasn't changed. He's still the teacher and friend that I remembered when I was still in college. I'm not sure how we became good friends... I guess it just happened that we became friends instantly. Amazing, we've been friends for 7 years... and until now I can't help but still call him Sir (I'm respectful haha).

I had a great time with him. Catching up with an old friend and keeping each other updated on what's been happening. I actually heard alot of things that I didn't expect would happen in UST (I'm quite dissapointed with the current officers running the school...). Anyway, I like the fact that I'm very good friends with him (he can give free consultation if something happens haha.. kidding :P) and I hope to know more about my favorite teacher. To not forget what happened that day, we had our picture taken (he brought a camera) and he even gave me a Paulo Coelho book (so sweet of him). We'll be seeing each other soon again..

Mr. Reynaldo "Bong" Lopez is a good friend and an inspiring mentor at the same time. I hope everyone finds that kind of person. I keep to my heart all the memories shared with him. This is one special relationship I'm glad I'm in.

Take A Bow, Baby, Take A Bow

Big Bro Dan, this is all your fault. I really have to share my sentiments with you..

Been listening to this song since this morning (other than my usual Crazy For You (special version "good morning Azy") morning habit mp3) and I haven't stopped it. I first heard this from my brother Dan and even found my self asking for copy. 

I'm having quite a hard time trying to keep from my boss and colleagues the waterworks on my face, my eyes getting red, going in and out of the room just to wipe the tears off on my sleeves.. Yes, for some reason I'm affected and I don't even know why.

 

TAKE A BOW (RIHANNA)

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

[Chorus]
Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like the re-run
Please, what else is on

[Chorus]

And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

And the award for the best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be
Faithful to me
lets hear your speech ohh

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

[Chorus]
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now

Don't worry, I'm fine. I think I just needed to wash out something from my eyes... more specifically off my chest.

Smile

Dreams are the most unexplained occurence to me. The inner workings of my mind are so complex, they create stories and illusions that I have no idea what they mean. Strange though that it seems that the emotions I experience when awake are channelled to my subconscious. I want to find answers, direct and truthful answers, to my dreams. However, all we ever have are interpretations. No sure meaning to it. Why can't it just mean as it is? Why cant the dreams be what you really want to happen? Why do sometimes, they all have to be just deja vu's? Frustrating isn't it? It's making your world alot more complicated. Dreams makes you hope for something that can't happen even though you really want it to happen. They're all just analogies, metaphorical images in your head. And they won't give you any straight answer.

----

I was curious then. I wanted to know what will happen if I go to the other side. I saw people I know, heard strange voices, and they keep on beckoning me to go and explore. The plank was close, only a few more steps and everything will change. Somehow those people I know, they seem to fade away and appear every now and then.

They can't be ghosts.. are they just illusions?

Closer and closer, I walked to the plank. It was clear below, but I can't see the bottom of the ground. They are all just blurred images. I looked back from where I stood before and saw no one there. There's this strange ache inside, thinking no one's there to see me off... no one cared enough for me to run back to. I shook my head and heard again those voices. One thing I noticed, my face was blank. No emotion can be seen on it. Weird, I felt light and emotionless, but I don't feel cold at all.

At that very last step, you grabbed my hand. Stunned, I couldn't move anymore, and the voices are fading to nothing all of a sudden. It took some time before I recognized you and you didn't let me go. I took a step back and I know it was quite a long time that I stared at you.

Did you see  even that longing on my face? How I missed your touch? Those shiny glasses? And I know, I had that weird expression on my face.. I was standing there, holding on to your hand. I could still jump you know? But I couldn't. It wasn't your touch that stopped me...

It was your smile.