Old Post: Putting the fire out

(Reposting a blog I wrote 2 years ago. you can see the drama oozing at every line. I wonder when will be the next time I can write something as good as this...)

i started a fire and now i have to end it. the pieces of my heart i picked up already but i can't seem to put them in place. i still dream of you, but i know they are just the remnants of the pieces i patched up. they are what's left and soon it will heal and be new again. that's what i'm waiting for. i pray it heals soon so that i would never have to endure the dreams, nay, the nightmares that leaves me crying at night. so that i wouldn't have to let all my thoughts go back to your memories again. i'm sorry if you think what this is is that i wanted to forget. i don't want to, but to let my heart be captured again by him who guides my heart even through the darkness, through the cold shadows, between living and death, i should be able to. he might not be here yet but he will come..soon.

we were once given a chance. something i think i did not plan. but here we are again, in between taking chances and losing it. i think we are both on our own roads. but please let me say this that what we had was something so magical and so unique that not even the gods had ever thought of creating. it must be so special that we need to have it for our own. still i thank you for that, from the deepest part of my soul.

you made me love you, i didn't want to do it. but i did. and i never thought soaring to the sky would be the best i ever did. i wish it would still be when he comes. i don't mind stepping on jagged rocks just to be with him. if that's what it takes, then it might be what i need to do. the pain and the wounds would not matter if at the end, i would have him, the only one. and he will come, someday.

to you to whom my heart burns, this is what i wanted. i will take care of the pieces left behind. i don't want to burn your whole memory. i still would want to catch a glimpse of you in some unexpected chances. i will not let you dissappear from me. you would still be you, locked deep in the depths of my emptiness. and im sure for a while i would still look for you. but i must try and endure it for him, who in my mind, has already given up the world of fantasy and make believe, just to have me in his arms.

adieu to you, my flame, the blazing light, the scattered embers... the fire burns me, but its for the best..