Y-O-U

It's no longer a secret. A few people know about it already; how I'm going crazy with these feelings about you. Someone said that I love you deeply, the others say it's just something I ate. Others warned me not to push it anymore, no matter how much I miss you. Someone even said that it's wrong.. that I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Valentine's day is just around the corner, so maybe that's why I thought of you.

I keep on wondering if you ever think of me. Maybe when times are quiet in the office, maybe when you pick up something that reminds you of me or maybe when you pass by a familiar place. I don't go there much anymore, maybe because I'm trying to steer clear of the invisible footprints that I sometimes find. But be honest, do you really think of me?

Remnants of the past... That's what it is. You can't get away from memories filled with passionate, unexplainable love. I liken memories of you to shattered vases... As much as I try to brush them away, crush them even, I bleed at every touch.

Whenever there are times I feel like taking a yosi-break, I sometimes wonder if you'll get affected with that. I had a blog before that says something about it. And so I tried smoking, but it's not a habit. You know me, I love to experiment. Wishing maybe that I'd see the answer in the smoke that I blow out. Hoping there would be a freaky miracle that will give me a simple answer. 

If that does happen, don't wonder anymore what I'm doing at your door. The smoke told me to be there.

Somehow, writing about you, I still get mixed feelings. The truth is, I don't want to talk about you anymore. But I find that you're the easiest topic. I wonder if you  talk about me with your friends? I wonder what you tell them...

I wake up every morning thinking "I should die today". Yes, it's all so confusing. Maybe you don't even know what I'm talking about or if this is about you even. I just want to forget about you and move on but it's really hard you know? When you already invested alot of feelings and emotions to someone, it's not that easy to let go. Even if you did hurt me, sometimes it doesn't matter. 

And I realize, I don't really know you anymore. But why is it that someone like you, even only memories of you, have the power to torture my whole being and you're not even here?

Thoughts of you scare me.