I bet you think this blog is about you

not a distraction but an inspiration. that's what she said. mild's a great girl, a sister to me infact. yeah i think she's right. i wanted to be distracted from the thoughts about my ex; me missing him so much, what we used to talk about, his comforting hugs and passionate kisses. yes, i used to have that but now i've decided to break up with him because i felt that i fell out of love for him.

falling out of love is really easy. all of a sudden you just dont feel that you love that person anymore. the hard part is when you have to face the truth that you already fell out of it and you have to tell the other person. i cried a tear (yes a tear only) when my ex and i broke up, but then a cascade of tears followed days after we did. i guess it got to me just after that. i thought i would be strong enough to face the world i used to not notice when i was with him, all alone and brave. but reality rears its head around the corner and tells me that i need someone to help me along the way. yes i miss my ex and i still love him even though i did fell out of love. its not the love anymore, its about growing up.

i grew up and found myself growing with other people and not with him: my partner, my best friend, my sweet love, the first and only as i used to think. there was a mistake somewhere in the calculation that both of us should grow together and inspire each other but it didn't sum up like that. its either i grew up (in maturity and experience) way ahead and he's just about to face that part or the other way around. i really don't know but it became blurred somehow.

yes an inspiration instead of a distraction. i remember during the first time my ex and i broke up, someone was there to catch me. there was the carlo and he was sweet. we had mutual feelings for each other but we didn't go far from that. my being sad and lonely and brooding over being alone is maybe because no one is here to catch me. no one is here to distract me and inspire me at the same time to be better. i wanted to be inspired, and this blog is not enough to say that I am though good thoughts are swimming inside my head. you don't get inspired just like that. I dont know how other people find themselves inspired and wanting to be better for the other person. i guess you just dont notice it until people tell you you've changed.

i used to be inspired when i was still together with that someone. now, i can't find my inspiration. we all know its just there but inspiration is not part of a game where you grab it in mid-air. it just happens. and im out to look for that inspiration, whatever or whoever he is. i'll never know when it'll happen but im sure it's just right there.